I have figured out how to be more popular on social media! Lie about everything and talk about how amazing you are! Also forget about anything wrong you may have EVER done to anyone or about any money you may owe someone. Also, whenever anyone is pissed at you, be sure to turn it around on them like it was their fault to begin with!
This will be my new seminar on how to get popular and get other people to give you money for no apparent reason! With the help of The Average Jim’s new program you too can become a narcissist today! Learn how to never take responsibility for your own actions ever again! But wait, there’s more!
Oh no! You made a scene in a bar and called your best friend a whore, that’s okay, turn it around on her and get her to apologize to you by saying “well, if you had never bought me that last drink I wouldn’t have gotten black-out drunk and called you names or put those photos of you on the internet. So actually it is your fault.”
You’re broke and you can’t pay your rent? Start a crowdfunding campaign! We all know you can’t pay your bills because you’re out partying at the hottest clubs in town, but just call it “networking” and it is part of being “in the biz”. In fact, your crowdfunding campaign can be for your new business that you haven’t even started yet! Be sure to tell everyone about it at the club too!
Just remember, you don’t need talent, you don’t need an agent, you have the internet so you can be internet famous all on your own! PR is just a nice way of saying bullshit things about yourself. Oh, and don’t forget to take a selfie every 5 fucking minutes! And you must bash where you live now in LA and talk about how rude the people are. This way when you can’t make it here you can say that you always wanted to go back home because you missed it so much, not for your lack of success in California. This way people think it was your choice and you didn’t really get evicted from that shitty studio apartment in The Valley, it is okay, people back home in Kentucky don’t know The Valley isn’t really LA.
Now remember, fake a smile, take a selfie and be sure to mention how you don’t want to be late for your audition, which we all know really means your job at Starbucks.
Hope you have all enjoyed my guide to internet fame. 😉
Here is a photo from an actual editorial of people who actually work in the industry. Mariel and Marita for Cake-Mag